Sunday, 17 February 2013

The Dichotomy of Being

"This is who I am and if you don’t like it, piss off."

The above statement is a cop out.

Everything changes. For many of us, the rate of change in this technologically advanced world is too much to keep up with. There is another way of looking at change, though. Did you know we are a completely new person every seven years? Every cell in our bodies is replaced by the end of seven years... no exceptions. So, to state that you are the person you have always been is a misconception. You can’t be the same person nor is it possible to remain the same despite our best guarded efforts.

Living life means learning new things which encourage change.

Far too often we stand on the soap box of self-righteousness proclaiming our indifference to those who don’t except every moral, ethical and emotional fiber of who we are. All we really accomplish when we stand on the soap box is:

  • Provide ourselves a greater distance to fall,
  • Throw up barriers to preclude anyone from getting too close and,
  • Allow us to perpetuate self destructive behaviour, without interference, so we don't have to face the issue that is causing our self-defeat

While “I am who I am” is a truth, there is an element of danger in its utterance. The truth part is simple enough to understand. When I say, “I am who I am” it’s a statement of my being at this moment. It's an affirmation that who I am matters.

The dangerous part of the statement is when it is used in defence. Like the opening statement, when I use the phrase “I am who I am” to defend a self-defeating tendency, the only person I am lying to is me. Everyone else knows I can change the predisposition. I’m the only one denying it.

Belligerently stating “I am who I am” in referrence to self- deprication really means “I am quite happy destroying myself so leave me the hell alone to stay stuck in this self-depricating place I've gotten accustomed to and let me wallow in my self pity”.

If I stand on the premise that “I am who I am and that’s just the way it is”, I am really telling myself it’s okay for me to remain stuck in this rotten place. Truthfully, it IS okay to stay stuck there. I just can't expect the people who really care about me to stand by and watch it happen.

The only person who can make a change for the better in myself is me. In the end, if I decide to defend my self-destructive behaviour, all I accomplish is being stuck in a cesspool of self-righteousness while those around me happily move forward... and leave me behind.

Ultimately, it means I have become the weakest link in my own well-being.