Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Church of the World

I had a dream/ vision/ delusion/ nightmare thingy.

Somewhere in the darkness, a light appears. It grows brighter, beginning to illuminate the landscape around me, shaking off the cold grey, revealing everything and everyone cowering from stifling obscurity. A booming voice comes from the light and says, “Really!? I turn my back to build another planet and this is what I come back to? Seriously!? This is the best solution you can come up with for humanity? That’s it! Everybody get outta the pool!”

There was a resolution given rather than leaving the planet though. Say three “Hail Magarita’s” and toss a couple bottles of extra virgin olive oil into a volcano. No worries.

I suppose one would have to believe in Gods ‘n stuff in the first place. Having a dream like this would be akin to listening to a land-eel trying to encourage me to eat a red delicious. “The hissy thingy made me do it!”

Uh huh.

I often wonder if there is a better way. I really have no qualms regarding what someone else believes or has faith in. It’s a personal choice. If you believe Elvis is still alive and living among us disguised as grapefruit juice, who am I to question it? It may be true. (I wonder if his singing has improved.)


Somewhere in the hazy, semi-awake, drool infested moments before I realised my pillow was soaked and sticking to my hair, I had a thought about a World Church, the idea being if we are going to believe in something, how about believing in ourselves. Then I wondered how it would work. Is it even possible to be all inclusive?

Of course it is. We just have to choose to be all inclusive.

Admission to the church should have some rules, no? Let’s be honest, we can’t let everyone in... can we? Heaven forbid we create some form of exclusive club with a clubhouse, an X marks the spot and a secret password and stuff. The rules bit that follows is from a hazy, sleep induced semi-coma-like state so... umm... yeah:

1. If thou does choose to pray to a something or a someone or a nothing, that’s cool with us. 

2. Thou shalt feed healthy food and provide clean water to everyone regardless of social standing or location. 

3. Thou shall provide everyone clothing appropriate to where the dudes and dudettes is at. 

4. Thou shalt not create levels of social standing by providing any value to anything or anyone other than being valued equally. 

5. Thou shalt give everyone a comfortable place to live based upon their location. 

6.  Thou shalt not hold themselves above anyone else for any reason unless thou ist upon the second floor or higher or on a hill or something.

7.   Thou shalt keep your planet home clean and not try to sweep filth under the carpet.

8.   Thou shalt provide everyone the best healthcare ensuring everyone is healthy and able to contribute however they choose. 

9.   Thou shalt elect leaders for the entire planet representing everyone from everywhere no matter where. 

10.  Thou shalt not draw imaginary lines on maps to keep anyone in or out of anywhere except areas protected cause it's delicate. 

11.   Thou shalt have no secrets that can be construed as a detriment to anyone, anywhere at any time. 

12.  Thou shalt protect everything I have created, whether you belive in me or not. (Whoever ME is.)

13.  Thou shalt entitle everyone to an education in whatever field they wish to pursue even if they change their minds over and over cause they haven't a clue what to do.

14.  Thou shalt settle all deadlocked disagreements by flipping a coin, best out of 123,456,789. Those who have not fallen asleep should kiss, hug and go for a beer.

15. Thou shalt ensure no person is left out.

16. Thou shalt not use value as an inhibitor to providing basic needs to anyone anywhere even if thou hast to haul it in by dog sled. Thou shalt not consider cost as a reason not to do the right thing.

17. Thou shalt ensure everyone has a hoot and doesn't pollute.

Of course, now I have an obligation to go up a mountain somewhere for forty days and carve this in stone.

I quickly fell back to sleep and dreamed about a pink cat dressed in a checkerboard tuxedo sitting at a luxurious oak dining table eating barbequed T-Rex wrapped in bacon. Maybe the cat would be willing to be the leader of the Church of the World.