Left of Left

There's an Alt-Left!? Why didn't anyone send me an invitation? Seriously... I am so put out. Hrumph!

His Nibs, The Donald, in an incurious turn of events, went off script... again... or still... or something. He literally put the notes smarter people gave him into his pocket. “I seen him do it, Bobbi-Jo. This'll be good fer shur. Thet King Donald fella gonna give it to 'em now. He dudn't tek no shee-it from nobody.”

That's when the term “Alt-Left” slipped from DT's ill-wind-aided flapping maw. (Which is the only thing flapping more than his hair these days.)

I've spent the past couple of days attempting to figure out what the Alt-Left might be. The Alt-Right isn't so hard to pick out. Generally speaking they have; guns, flags of long ago defeated nations, more guns, knives, swastika tattoos and four wheel drive trucks with gun and deer racks. They roam in packs with Walmart tiki torches and have a decided lack of hair or a scruffy beard to their knees. However, in order to define an Alt-Left person as referred to by his sanctitude, the make-believe king of America, we might have to take a closer look at the ideology of the Alt-Right. They should be polar opposites, no? After all, the universe is balanced with polar opposites; north vs south, up vs down, light vs dark, good vs evil, the Trump administration vs people who know what the fuck is going on.

Before we get to the comparisons, I have to state that "Alt-Left" and "alternative facts" have a familiar ring to them. I have to wonder if Kellyanne Conway was whispering in Trump's ear when he coined the Alt-Left thing. Probably not since her favourite position seems to be hanging out in the Oval Office on the sofa playing solitaire on her cell phone while men in suits do the important stuff... like banning the rest of the world from visiting Disney Land and trying to figure out if Ding-Dongs are Communist or not.

Back to the point.

The Alt-Right is self described as isolationist, protectionist, antisemitic and white supremacist while overlapping with Neo-Nazism, Islamophobia, anti-feminism and homophobia. That sounds an awful lot like the campaign promises of a certain orange haired, White House dwelling garden gnome. And, that is a lot of antis! Are they for anything? Well, quite bluntly, it seems they are for themselves and pretty much no-one else.

• If the Alt-Right is isolationist, that would make the Alt-Left inclusive.
• If the Alt-Right is protectionist, that would make the Alt-Left receptive.
• If the Alt-Right is antisemitic (racist), that would make the Alt-Left tolerant.
• If the Alt-Right promotes White supremacy, that would mean the Alt-Left promotes equality.
• If the Alt-Right is anti-feminist, that would make the Alt-Left egalitarians.
• If the Alt-Right is belligerent, combative and militaristic, that would make the Alt-Left flower power peace-nicks.

Something is wrong with the reasoning of Dopus the Potus when he proclaimed the Alt-Left was just as to blame for the combative nature of the confrontations in Charlottesville. It would seem, by simple logic and inspection, that the Alt-Left referred to simply wouldn't be at a march at all. They would, it seems, be huge proponents of live and let live. Stated plainly, if the Alt-Right marches through the streets with guns and clubs and plastic “made in China” dollar store torches all the while chanting hate slurs, the Alt-Left would be home around a campfire hugging their fellow humans and singing Kumbaya.

There is an Alt-Left.

And most of us are hanging with our friends, reading good books, snuggling with our sweeties and getting on with our lives...

Like humans.