There's an Alt-Left!? Why
didn't anyone send me an invitation? Seriously... I am so put
out. Hrumph!
His Nibs, The Donald, in
an incurious turn of events, went off script... again... or still...
or something. He literally put the notes smarter people gave him into
his pocket. “I seen him do it, Bobbi-Jo. This'll be good fer
shur. Thet King Donald fella gonna give it to 'em now. He dudn't tek
no shee-it from nobody.”
That's when the term
“Alt-Left” slipped from DT's ill-wind-aided flapping maw. (Which
is the only thing flapping more than his hair these days.)
I've spent the past
couple of days attempting to figure out what the Alt-Left might be.
The Alt-Right isn't so hard to pick out. Generally speaking they
have; guns, flags of long ago defeated nations, more guns, knives,
swastika tattoos and four wheel drive trucks with gun and deer racks.
They roam in packs with Walmart tiki torches and have a decided lack
of hair or a scruffy beard to their knees. However, in order to
define an Alt-Left person as referred to by his sanctitude, the
make-believe king of America, we might have to take a closer look at
the ideology of the Alt-Right. They should be polar opposites, no?
After all, the universe is balanced with polar opposites; north vs
south, up vs down, light vs dark, good vs evil, the Trump
administration vs people who know what the fuck is going on.
Before we get to the
comparisons, I have to state that "Alt-Left" and "alternative facts" have
a familiar ring to them. I have to wonder if Kellyanne Conway was
whispering in Trump's ear when he coined the Alt-Left thing. Probably
not since her favourite position seems to be hanging out in the Oval
Office on the sofa playing solitaire on her cell phone while men in
suits do the important stuff... like banning the rest of the world
from visiting Disney Land and trying to figure out if Ding-Dongs are Communist or not.
Back to the point.
The Alt-Right is self
described as isolationist, protectionist, antisemitic and white
supremacist while overlapping with Neo-Nazism, Islamophobia,
anti-feminism and homophobia. That sounds an awful lot like the
campaign promises of a certain orange haired, White House dwelling
garden gnome. And, that is a lot of antis! Are they for anything?
Well, quite bluntly, it seems they are for themselves and pretty much
no-one else.
- If the Alt-Right is isolationist, that would make the Alt-Left inclusive.
- If the Alt-Right is protectionist, that would make the Alt-Left receptive.
- If the Alt-Right is antisemitic (racist), that would make the Alt-Left tolerant.
- If the Alt-Right promotes White supremacy, that would mean the Alt-Left promotes equality.
- If the Alt-Right is anti-feminist, that would make the Alt-Left egalitarians.
- If the Alt-Right is belligerent, combative and militaristic, that would make the Alt-Left flower power peace-nicks.
Something is wrong with
the reasoning of Dopus the Potus when he proclaimed the Alt-Left was
just as to blame for the combative nature of the confrontations in Charlottesville. It would seem, by
simple logic and inspection, that the Alt-Left referred to simply
wouldn't be at a march at all. They would, it seems, be huge
proponents of live and let live. Stated plainly, if the Alt-Right
marches through the streets with guns and clubs and plastic “made
in China” dollar store torches all the while chanting hate slurs,
the Alt-Left would be home around a campfire hugging their fellow
humans and singing Kumbaya.
There is an Alt-Left.
And most of us are
hanging with our friends, reading good books, snuggling with our
sweeties and getting on with our lives...
Like humans.