I'm looking for a farm... of sorts.
I've never really been a big city person. Somehow, I could never grow used to the noise and the smog and the crunch of people and the overwhelming anonymity between neighbours. Yes, I'm that guy who walks down the street and says good morning to everyone he meets and waves at people driving in the neighbourhood. I grew used to that in the country. As inane as it may seem to city folk, it makes a lot more sense to me than ignoring everyone.
|I made it this far. Rough terrain.|
My intent, then, is to move back to the country where my heart is already waiting for me.
At the same time, it's not something I'm willing to dive into head first. Oh, I'll move when the time is right and the appropriate piece of paradise pops up on my radar. I'm not nearly as impulsive as I once was. At fifty-four, I'm not as quick to dive into something just for the sake of diving in and I'm still young enough to take my time.
I should have thought of taking my time last week before I was sliding down a rock strewn gully two klicks into the bush while attempting to get to Borer's Falls. I was late getting to the trail-head and my impatience led to making a hurried misstep on a slippery rock. Okay... sometimes I'm a bit impulsive. Being back in the bush with a broken leg isn't my idea of a good time. I was bruised, strained and lacerated in a few places (with no broken bones) and took the mild hit to my confidence in stride knowing I'll make another attempt in a week or so when my ego heals a bit.
I should have been more prepared for the hike over rough terrain. I know better.
In some circumstances, not rushing in makes sense. Waiting for the right time and place in the continuum can be a good thing.
More importantly, getting into anything for the right reasons is imperative.
It seems to me relationships are like that. More often than not, I hear single people say they are looking for a relationship. When I ask why, the answer that often comes back is, “I'm tired of being alone” or “I don't like feeling lonely”. If that's your reason for looking to get into a relationship, you're doomed to fail. Why? Because it's the wrong reason. We can be “not alone” with anybody... or any body. Just go outside your living accommodations, look up and down the street, pick one and stop being alone. Pfft... dead simple.
If all you want is to not be alone, join a crocheting club and be with people.
Yes, I understand being with a person means meeting a man or woman to be with in a relationship. Yet, if you're searching for someone to stop being alone or to stop feeling lonely, you're in it for the wrong reasons. I've seen too many relational car wrecks because people jump into something so they can feel momentarily happy distracting themselves from themselves.
If you can't handle your own company, what makes you think someone else will be able and willing to handle it?
Further, if you're expecting someone to save you from whatever strife you have invented, I can tell you being a White Knight is exhausting. Eventually the armour cracks and falls apart leaving the knight exposed to everything coming at him or her. (Yes, women don the armour as well.) All I'm saying is we have to be comfortable with who and where we are before looking for happily ever after. Expecting someone else to save us from... whatever... isn't proactive. It's victim mode. I think we have to at least make an effort to solve our own issues. Sometimes we do need help. It's important to at least first make the effort to stand on our own two feet.
Our confidence in ourselves returns when make an effort to become comfortable with who we are.
Then, we can look for a relationship.
The much sought after relationship will probably find you at that point. Confidence is sexy and attracts attention. Just sayin'. It's kind of like farming. Without a good base, very little of value is going to grow.
So... the farm will show up when I'm ready. I have to trust the Universe is working on the connection. It will happen when it's meant to... if it's meant to. Not everything is meant to be. Sometimes the thought or dream is a pathway to something better. I just have to be ready.
As for the carnival ride down a rocky embankment, failure isn't failure unless I let it beat me. I'll heal the ego by making it to the bottom of Borer's Falls in a week or so. I just don't give up that easily.