And The Survey Says...

My phone buzzed some disjointed digitized percussive instrument tone and, like a good little lemming shuffling through my daily anthropoidal activities, I glanced at it.

Text message: “Hi, it’s Sarah from the Conservative Party. Can the Conservative Party count on your support in the next federal election? Reply: Yes/ No.”

My reply: “Do not contact me again!”

Technically not a “no” and certainly giving my two shiny coppers worth. I was never particularly proficient at following directions. In Ed-speak what I was really saying was, “Dear Sarah. Get out before the Kool-Aid is served and the YouTube videos are published! And get a boyfriend/ life/ drinking buddy/ firing synapse or something.”

I doubt Sarah actually exists. It’s most likely Andrew Sheer in text drag writing the message. We all know how he feels about the LBGTQ community. Methinks thou dost... blah, blah, blah.

Personally, I’m growing weary of the “giving my opinion” thing. For instance, I went to the bank and used the teller service because my bank card blew up in flaming glory after several years of abusive shopping and I needed some funds on hand to buy a Snickers bar/ oil painting/ camping gear (or some reasonable facsimile thereof). The next thing I know, I’m getting an email from my bank to conduct a survey about the service.

Why?

If I were unhappy with the service, I would have pulled all my many tens of dollars from the establishment in question and taken it somewhere else where a ten-aire is welcome without opinion asking emails. Since I have not pulled my twenty-one fourteen from your bank, odds are pretty good I was happy with the service. If you really need to know my opinion, check the videotape of me standing at said counter. If I was smiling, grimacing or smacking around the teller, I’m pretty sure you’ll get the point.

I don’t need to fill in a survey for every little thing I do. I know Big Brother is tailing me around wherever I go. I know the world is watching, nasty little imp that I am. I don’t require an email confirmation of followedness to understand there is no place to hide. Nor do I need to spend 10 to 15 minutes of my valuable time letting you know if the two or three minutes I spent in your establishment was mind-blowing beyond any experience since my conception. You should know you’re doing your job by whether your business is shrinking, growing or stuck up to it's arse in mud going nowhere.

Stop with the incessant “how are we doing” crap. It’s annoying.

Here’s a thought. If you want more business, do your job. If you’re doing your job, I’ll be back. If you’re not, I won’t. The best way to get customer loyalty isn’t to hand out points or ask for our opinion. The best way to create customer loyalty is to treat them well and fairly when they walk through the door.

Further, if you treat your employees properly (good pay, proper days off, not embarassing them in front of customers or other employees, etc.), then they'll likely treat me, the customer, properly. Lo and behold, I'll likely return.

That goes for the politicians too (Conservative Party of Canada).